Accepting help...

I think the hardest thing in the world for me to do is accept help from others.

There are rare times when I find myself in a jam and have to ask for help, and I'm ok with that. It's the times that I know I can handle something, and I get help with it anyway that bother me.

Like today. I have a very large yard. I also have a very small mower... but it was in my budget so it makes me proud. I have my own little mower and my very own large yard to keep mowed. I like this. It makes me happy. However, due to the ever changing weather, and a baseball schedule to work around I hadn't gotten to the mowing yet. but I was going to... this week. I'd made plans to.

But I got home today and my very sweet and generous eldery neighbor had mowed it for me.

My first reaction was to burst into tears because I'm a failure.

Why can't I just be grateful for the help?

I have a very stubborn, independent nature. I've gotten pretty good at taking care of just about anything I need around here. Now I feel like I'm indebted to them. I don't like that feeling. The silly thing is that I would help my neighbors with anything they need without expecting a single thing in return. Yet I cringe at the thought of them helping me.

It just makes me feel like a charity case, and that bothers me.

I just wish I could see these acts as ones of kindness rather than charity, and just be thankful for them.

I think I'll go make them some cookies.