Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Putting away old dreams

I think the hardest thing I've had to do is put away the dreams I've had since I was young. I always had a vision for my life with dreams and goals. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I won't ever see some of those goals.

I'll never be part of a marriage that lasts to certain milestones. I see all these wonderful pictures of couples that celebrate 60 and 70 years of marriage, and I know that's no longer an option for me. Even if I re-married this year I'd have to live to be 86 just to see a 50th wedding anniversary. It seems trivial for me to think about that, but it's a loss. Everytime I realize a dream that won't come true I have to mourn the loss of that dream. It's all a healing process. It's sometimes hard to dream of only a 20 or 30 year marriage, but if that's the hand I'm dealt, then it will be a wonderful hand, and it's now one of my 'new' dreams.

I've also had to put away all of the visions I ever had for everything from graduation ceremonies to weddings and grandbabies. The vision will never be what I once thought it would be, but that's ok. I have to keep in mind is that just because it's not going to be exactly how I pictured it, it will still be wonderful in it's own different way.

I have to always remember that just because someone else has a long marriage, or perfect life (which I know doesn't exsist) that doesn't mean my life won't one day be just as wonderful as theirs... and that doesn't mean I'm not happy with where I am right now. I love my life right now. Everything is going in the right direction. But little girl dreams of 'happily ever after' don't just go away because you get older. I may have hit a speed bump, but that doesn't mean it won't be better ahead.

Everytime I let go of an old dream, I'm able to make room for a new ones.

And that makes me happy.

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