Thursday, December 19, 2013

How far I've come.....

It's amazing for me to think about how far I've come. My life is so wonderful right now. The Lord has blessed me beyond measure, and I don't deserve it. I went through times that I haunted me every single day, and now I can barely remember them. The thoughts of those times are a distant memory. It is such a blessing that the old saying is true... time actually does heal all wounds.

I didn't realize until last night how far I've come from where I was. A friend talked to me to tell me she was heading for a divorce because her husband was cheating on her. First of all, my heart goes out to her, and she is in my prayers. But my initial reaction to her news surprised me. You would think my 'been there, done that' side would've come out and I would totally relate to everything she said, but that's not what happened...

...When she first told me the news, I wanted to stick my fingers in my ears and say "la la la la la la la la la....." I didn't want to hear it. I couldn't stand more bad news. I've hit a point where I cringe at tragedy. I don't want to feel the pains of the world anymore. It's unbearable.

But if that wasn't surprising enough, my second thought surprised me even more!!!..... My second thought was "I'm so glad I'm with a man that will never do that to me."


Yep.... I was back to the mindset of thinking: "That's something that happens to other people, not me."

It's almost as if I had completely forgotten about the fact that two years ago I was her.

I've been in her shoes, and I can't even relate to it anymore.

The pain is gone. The residual effects are washed away. I'm a happy, joyful person that is in love, and it makes everything else fade away.

Like it never even happened.


My heart is healed, and so full of love.

The Lord is so good to me! I don't deserve it, but I'm so thankful for it.

Please do me a favor tonight.... If you are in a marriage with a God-fearing spouse, thank the Lord for them. Then please say a prayer for my friend, as will I.

Friday, December 13, 2013


Change used to be a very hard thing for me, but that was back when everything stayed the same all the time.

These days, if my life isn't changing in one way or another I get uncomfortable. I've learned that if you are in a bad situation, you do whatever it takes to get out of it. If you're not serving the Lord the way you should, then something needs to change. What I used to think were bad changes in my life have grown to be blessings. All the negatives have turned into positives.

When things finally slowed down enough for me to catch my breath, I prayed for wonderful changes I hoped would happen in my life. That's right. I was ready for more changes. Good changes. Positive changes. I didn't want to be alone forever. So I prayed.

Now my prayers are to thank God for the wonderful changes that are happening in my life. I am also praying for wisdom and guidance during these changes. There are happy times coming, I feel like. But in order for me to get to those happy times, a lot is going to have to change first. Changes for me, and changes for my boys. I'm ready for the changes, but I don't think my boys are. So I pray more. I pray for them to adjust to the changes that are coming. I pray for the Lord to bless them with an excitement for the things to come. I pray that in time it will all be well. I know that the most important thing for them right now is time. They need lots of time to adjust.... one little baby step at a time.

Once again, I'm fighting my impatience. However, knowing that being patient is what's best for my boys will help me keep the breaks on longer. After seeing the effects of all the changes they've had to go through in the past two years, it will be easy for me to hold off on any major changes. Their little worlds were ripped apart, and uprooted so much they didn't know weather to laugh, cry or scream... and unfortunately it was usually the crying and screaming. My oldest acted out in school, and my youngest developed a separation anxiety. I believe they are both better now, at least better than last year, but I'm scared to push more changes on them so fast that it makes them revert.

The blessing of it all, is the confidence I have the changes that are coming. My normal self would worry and fret that things will fall through, but I have a peace from the Lord that all will be well. I've trusted the Lord so much, and I know he's leading me still. I have faith, and I have patience. I just need to sit back, enjoy where I am right now, look forward to my future, and pray for the changes that I feel are coming.