Wednesday, April 30, 2014

I don't have all the answers

Where has faith in the Lord gone??

As we approach crunch-time for the wedding, I'm being approached with many questions. Questions about life in Texas, visits to the boys' dad, visits to our parents' houses, traveling to meetings across the country, and many other things.

I've heard them all. And the truth is, we have thought about these questions. But we also know the Lord will provide the answers in time. We don't have to have all the answers right now. I don't have all the answers. But that's okay. We're not supposed to.

I've heard David preach about what we need right now. 'Give us this day our DAILY bread'. All we need is enough for today. The Lord will provide for us one day at a time. Pray about the future, but don't worry abut it. Those answers will come when we need them.

Sometimes I think my loved ones won't pray for what they are worried about, because then they won't be able to worry about it anymore. Sounds silly, right? But I think it's true. If they would just pray about all these questions they have, the Lord would provide them with the peace that David and I have.

If you are questioning things, you need more faith.

If you need faith, you need to pray for it.

Sometimes I wonder why this concept is so hard to grasp......

I guess that means I should be praying for them.

.............................. wow.

I think that just answered my question.

Why is it that the Lord answers me when I write? By the time I get to the end of my thoughts, the Lord has helped me figure out the solution.

There ya go. I just need to pray for my loved ones to have faith. I've been stewing for days and have YET to come up with that answer. (I'm not very bright sometimes, especially when I'm stewing).

The answer is crystal clear.

Now if y'all will excuse me, I have some praying to do. Good day.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

The ugly truth

I'm very thankful that the Lord protects us. Sometimes I wonder if He protects us from reality. I think maybe the Lord has kept me from realizing something till I was strong enough to handle it.

This week the truth has hit me.

The ugly truth.

I've realized that there are a lot of people out in the world that don't like me. There are people that think I'm a horrible person for taking my boys away from their dad. I have to see my ex-husband's family, or I run into former friends and acquaintances that I had in my previous life. I can see their smiles, and hear their 'Congratulations', but I know what they are thinking on the inside. I can see it in their faces. I'd be thinking it too if I were them. They think I'm a terrible, awful person for doing this.

It's somewhat disturbing for me to realize this, but I'm also strong enough - or secure enough - in what the Lord has planned for me that these thoughts don't bother me like they could.

Three or four months ago when I first got engaged I might have been disturbed to the point of wanting to call it all off, had I realized the backlash. But really I know there is no way that would ever happen. The Lord shows me everyday how right this is. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Every obstacle that was in front of us has vanished with little effort. The Lord has guided us, protected us, and provided for us. This is right.

There was no need to go to court.

There were mutual agreements made between their dad and myself.

The boys are not only okay about moving - they are ready to get down there as much as I am.

We are excited to start our new life, and it's truly amazing.

So, I get it. I'm not liked. That's okay, I'm not on this planet to make people happy, or to please the people of the world. I'm here to serve God. God sends you where you are needed. I'm needed in Texas, and everything I need is in Texas.

Winston Churchill said: "You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something in your life."

That's what I'm doing. I'm standing up for the Lord. I'm standing up for my boys. And I'm standing up for myself and the love of my life. There are no worries. The ugly truth can't get to me. The opinions of those people don't mean anything to me anymore. I will continue to walk with my head held high.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me the strength and courage to walk my day-to-day life knowing that what I'm doing is right.

That has been my prayer from day one: THY will be done.

This is God's will.

And my confidence in that cannot be shaken.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Life after....

Life after my two week's notice...

It's glorious! I love it! It's all about letting go of the reigns so others can step up to the plate to take over my duties. My job right now is to finish any orders and projects I have going on, and to not take on any new ones. I have to teach as many details as I can to the next person, and then wind 'em up and let 'em go. It's. Awesome.

Life after getting married...

I know the act of combining our families is going to be harry at times, but when I think about each individual personality I can almost see how we are going to mesh. My younger boys are going to adore David's older boys. And I hope the older ones are accepting of little ones running around wreaking havoc. I look forward to the dynamic that we'll have. We are all so laid back, I think it will be great. Me and my guys. I love it.

Life after moving to Texas...

I love Texas. I'm very happy to become a Texan. My love and my life are in Texas, therefore my heart is in Texas. My only worry is the boys' dad. Not that he's causing problems, in fact it is quite the contrary. Everything is going very well. I just know I'm going to have weeks where I won't be able to see my boys. A year ago I was worried about not seeing them for three day, and now I could go two or three weeks without seeing them. That scares me. I worry about the boys being exposed to their dad for long periods of time. I worry about me not having my right and left hand guys with me at all times, and I worry about David who will have to talk me down from all my anxiety attacks. I pray the Lord comforts us during those times.

Life after becoming a minister's wife...

I've grown up around ministers. They are not foreign creatures to me. My dad, grandfather, and two uncles are all ministers. I've watched my mother, grandmother and aunts my entire life. I know the basics. I just hope and pray I can fulfill the role of a minister's wife the way I need to. I pray I always conduct myself the way I should. I'm already starting to feel lots of eyes watching me, but I know that's going to increase. I pray I always know how to be there for my husband in what ever way he needs.... and I pray I keep my nose out of any business I don't need to be in. It's going to be a learning process. I wasn't there when he was ordained. I'm the newby in all this. I pray I do okay.

When I started the whole process of getting a divorce, I couldn't really see the 'life after' part. I was so clouded by all the stuff going on around me that I couldn't see past the end of my nose. Now the smoke has cleared. My future is looking bright, and I can see the life after.

I'm so ready for it.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

It's hit me...

Yes folks, it's true. It's finally hitting me. The waiting period is over, the changes are starting, and I'm becoming the emotional wreck I knew I would be.

Reality set in this past weekend, and I know it's going to be hard from here on out.

Especially the goodbyes. They are getting a lot harder. Every time I see David I don't want it to end. I had to tell him goodbye at church Sunday so that he could get on the road. He had a long drive ahead of him. Part of me got a little embarrassed for crying as much as I did, but in the end I was thankful to be with my church family who can make it all better.

I'm ready for a time when I don't have to tell him goodbye. But I also know that when that time comes, I'll have to tell a whole lot of other people goodbye.

I'm putting in my two weeks notice at work today. I'm nervous. Please say a prayer for me if you can.

They know I'm leaving, but I'm moving up my quit date. I need to have more time off before the wedding in order to get everything ready for the big move. There's so much that needs done, and I just don't have the time to do it. So after a lot of praying and talking to David, we decided this is what is best.

The changes are coming fast, and I pray the Lord will continue to help me (and the boys) adjust to them.