Monday, May 13, 2013

Walks with my Dad

My poor Dad.

I know I've given him more grey hairs in the past year than in all my other years combined.

I know that the more I talk to him about my life, the more he stays up at night worrying about me.

I used to be very closed off about my life, especially growing up, but these days I'm an open book with large print. When everything started going wrong, I tried to keep everything hidden until the problem went away. I had this terrible secret in my life that I didn't want anyone to know about. I felt if I kept it to myself, then when the problem was fixed there wouldn't be any ill feelings toward my husband, and we could carry on with life as usual.

Well, once I realized the problem couldn't be fixed - and was only getting worse - I started opening up to my family. Since then, I've been able to open up and talk to my parents about everything. It's kind of strange. Like I'm back to being a single teenager, but I'm able to tell them about everything that's going on in my life. Kind of like an out-of-body experience. Very surreal.

Last year my Dad and I started taking walks in the mornings whenever the boys and I would go visit them. Usually it's still dark outside when we go. Our main purpose for walking was for exercise, but we also got a lot of life's problems worked out on these walks as well. We've discussed so many topics on these walks. Each time I would visit there would be a new issue to hash out. We've used these walks to work out everything from the custody of my kids, to buying my new house, to scriptures in the Bible. It's a time for just he and I to discuss things.

It was on a walk that I had to explain to him why I didn't want to keep my old house that he felt I was entitled to. It was on a walk where he felt he should give me the do's and don'ts of dating... again. It was on a walk that I broke down in tears because I knew everything had happened because of something I had done.... and it was on another walk that I, thankfully, started to believe that maybe it had nothing to do with me at all.

It's amazing how clear your mind can be very early in the morning. Watching the sunrise and talking about God makes problems easily solved. It makes it so you can solve the problem the way it's supposed to be, instead of it being clouded by the judgements of the world. Most walks ended in laughter, some ended in tears. But either way, a problem was solved and a new day was starting.

The best part is what I've learn from him through these walks... and that is how I should walk. In my life.

These are priceless lessons that can never be taken away from me.

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