Tuesday, January 28, 2014

And now..... the rest of the story.

I have a secret.

A few people know what it is, but most of you do not.

According to the dates of my blog, it looks like I started my blog on March 20th, 2013. The truth is, it started about two months prior to that....

So in the words of Paul Harvey: It's time for...rest of the story....

I had this old craft blog I started back in 2009, but since the house burned I hadn't done anything with it. I somehow decided that I should delete everything craft related and use it to get out some of my frustrations about my divorce. I wrote daily! I had so many things I wanted to get off my chest. I thought I needed to clear the air about what happened. I wanted everyone to know that I fought for my marriage, and that he was the one that left. There were some posts that were worse than others... one in particular I remember was named "She can keep him". Boy did I go through some bitter times.

But then I changed my tune - actually I received a swift kick in the rear end. I heard a sermon that made me delete everything I had written up to that point. It was a sermon that I knew without a doubt was just for me. I know this, because the minister who preached it had just recently found my blog. The sermon was about controlling our anger, and not letting the devil temp us to wrath. Ouch. My toes were not only being stepped on, they were being beaten with a hammer!

What had gotten into me?

What made me think I could vent my frustrations for the world to see??

The answer is simple. It was the devil. I thought I was so strong, and that I could fight off the devil from any direction, and he found his way in the back door. He made me believe that it was ok for me to write things like that. I wanted so badly to be normal again and to fit in with the crowd. I just wanted people to see that I hadn't done anything wrong, and that it was all my ex-husband's fault.

But you know what? Everyone already knew that. No, I didn't do everything right when it came to my marriage. I know I should've done things different and better. But as far as the the blame, I didn't need to profess my innocence. That was something that needed to be told simply by the way I carried myself. I needed to make sure my speech was kind and my actions were upstanding. And that's it.

And as far as my venting is concerned, all that did was bring about more anger and bitterness. It fueled the fire I was trying to put out. All I did was sit around and think of more things to gripe about, and I couldn't see what it was doing to me.

After I deleted my entire blog - about 30+ posts - I didn't feel like I should write anymore. I was embarrassed. So instead I started to pray about it. I felt like I had found my voice, and that there could possibly be some good that could come out of me sharing my story, but how do I do it? How do I talk about something that brings about so much anger without getting mad?

I felt impressed to write a couple of posts that didn't have anything to do with my situation just to keep things going. Then slowly I started to explore writing about my story in a positive way, and that is when I met someone who would completely change my attitude about my situation. In my post titled It is well, I wrote about a minister I met that was in my same exact situation. He helped me realize that what I had been though was actually a blessing, and that it was ok for me to be happy about what had happened. Up until that point I felt I should mope and gripe about poor pitiful me and what I had been through, when the truth is I should be thanking God for helping me escape from the horrible place I was in, and helping me get to a much better place.

...and just for an added tidbit of interest, I'm now engaged to that minister.

What I learned by changing my attitude is that the more thankful I was for the Lord's help, the less anger I had. I still pray about my blog and the things that I write on here. I pray that whatever I say, the Lord is glorified. My situation is becoming more and more common these days, and if I can help just one person out there get through their anger, and get to a place of thankfulness, then it was worth it.

So there it is... my secret is out.

And now you know.... the rest of the story....


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