Friday, January 24, 2014

Growing pains

The winds of change are sweeping through my house. I can feel it, and so can my boys. Big time.

I'm getting married.

We are moving to a different state.

A different state away from the Dad they know and love.

To a new house, with a new father figure, and new brothers to boot. boys just don't know it yet.

All they know is that I'm wearing a new ring, and that means one day down the road I'm going to marry this man. But that is all their minds have grasped so far.

They met my fiance for the first time this past weekend. It went well, but I can still see my oldest struggling with this new reality. He knows change is coming, and is psyching himself up for the worst.

Unfortunately, my biggest fear is coming to pass. This week he has started to revert back to the way he behaved during the divorce. He is acting out at school, not getting his work done, and at home he is lying and talking back to me. I can't say I blame him. Once again he's not in control of his small little world. His home life is about to change again, dramatically, and there's nothing he can do about it. The worst part is that I'm the one causing his pain. I'm making these changes happen, and he is losing trust in me. I'm struggling with how to merge two families, move to a different state, and still keep the boys' faith in me as a trusted parent. It's a lethal combination, and I can't seem to make it work yet.

Today was a bad day. He got in some trouble at school, and then he tried to hide it from me tonight. He received a hefty punishment that fit his crimes, but I know the tears are hiding other issues. I kept looking for the right words to tell him, but I'm not sure I ever found them. I pray everyday for my boys, and the changes that are ahead of them. I know I need to be patient, and the answers will come eventually. I just don't know when, or how much pain they will go through before the healing starts.

I try not to use my blog to ask for prayers, but if you could say a small prayer for my boys I would greatly appreciate it. It's going to be a tough year for them.

Thank you, and my God bless you.


  1. Trust is earned by honesty. Set him down, let him ask you all his questions, answer them kindly but honestly, and then come through on the answers you give him. Yes, there will be turmoil and adjustments, but the way to teach him he can still trust you is to just be trustworthy. Honestly tell him about the bumps in the road ahead, and then when they come you can remind him you told them they were coming. On the other side of all of this, he will have learned that he can count on Mom to give him the truth, even when it is tough to hear, because she loves him.

    Those are my thoughts, for what it is worth. I am no expert, and I fail my children daily. I am so thankful for a God who will make up for my mistakes with mercy and grace. Love and prayers, friend.

    1. I think you are right, it needs to happen soon... but the plan is for their dad and I to tell them together. I like that idea so they can see him on board with everything and it won't come across as me taking them away from him. It definitely needs to happen soon, though. I keep thinking they need more time, but you're right, they need to know now to avoid loss of trust. Thank you Alisa!

    2. Telling them together is a great idea. And I agree that sooner is better than later. I will pray for you to have the right words and for their Dad to have the right words and spirit and for the boys to have understanding hearts. Just remember in all of this, God is right there with you and your boys. Love ya!

  2. Praying for you all,