Memories

What a blessing it is to have our memories. Pictures can only show you so much, it's our memories that really take us back to certain times and places.

I'm thankful for the memories I have of certain times. I lost both of the boys' baby books when the house burned. I keep telling myself I need to replace them and fill in what I can remember... but I'm afraid I don't remember much anymore. I don't remember the exact days they started walking or eating solid foods, I no longer have the locks of hair from their first haircuts. It might sound sad to some, but when you're the one that goes through it, you realize you have what's most important. I still have my boys. I'd rather have that than some old book any day. My memories of those time are good enough for me.

Sometimes memories are a good thing, and sometimes memories are a curse. There are a lot of times something will trigger a bad memory... And it's unstoppable.

I seem to be having one of those weeks. I guess I have things going on right now that are triggering memories that I haven't had in months, or even over a year for some of them. Memories about everything that's happened over the past two years. Memories that bring back my anger and frustration of unanswered questions. Memories that make me feel like I should've done more, or just should've done something differently. I start to feel the hostility or regret, and I don't like it.

I've dealt with these problems already, why are they resurfacing? I'm supposed to be moving forward, not backward.

I had a good long stretch about this time last year that I would pray from the verse in Jeremiah... The Lord said "I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more." That was all I wanted. I wanted to forgive my ex-husband for what he did to me, but mostly I wanted to forget everything that happened. I want to forget everything I saw, or read, or heard. Every fight. Every evil or defiant look that came across his face. I just wanted to push all of those terrible memories out of my head, and never remember them ever again.

I've already forgiven him, and we get along well enough these days. I just want to forget it now.

Please, Lord, take the memories from my mind and let me remember them no more.

I have faith that when this week is over, and everything goes back to normal, I'll be fine. I just have to make it a few more days. Church tomorrow night will help, and there is a meeting this weekend that I'm looking forward to. Thankfully, there will be lots of other wonderful things to occupy my mind.