Thursday, July 25, 2013

Fear and trembling

Well, I did it!

My trip was a success, and I'm so thankful. It was wonderful to be able to go to a church meeting of that size. I've never heard singing like that before. Ever. It was beautiful. I know if the boys had been there they'd have covered their ears because it was so loud. I loved it!

The best part was how the boys were while I was gone. Neither of them had a single melt down the entire time. My parents actually used the word "Angels" to describe their behavior. What?? Are you sure you're talking about my kids?? I'm so glad they were good for them while I was gone.

The hardest part for me was socializing. I'm frustrated with how much I struggle in that area. I know that the more meetings I go to, the more people I will get to know. But for now I don't know many people, and it's hard for me to talk to people I don't know. My self-diagnosis is that I have a form of Social Anxiety Disorder. Whether I actually have it, probably not. I just wish I could go up to anyone and strike up a conversation. It sounds so easy, yet it's the hardest things in the world for me to do.

I'm slowly getting around to what this post is actually about.

I'm learning that the most important things we do in life are ones that scare us. There is a wonderful quote by Eleanor Roosevelt that says "Do one thing everyday that scares you." I love this quote. I've basically lived it for the past year and a half. When all of the changes started in my life, I was afraid of everything. I don't like change. Change is scary. But you know what? Sometimes scary things are wonderful. Sometimes scary things are what make us feel alive! I enjoy my comfort zone, but when I'm forced out of it, it's exhilarating! My heart beats faster, my hands shake, and my voice trembles.... that means I'm living. Not just alive, but LIVING! I love it.

I've received courage through the Lord to do the scary things in my life. Last January I felt the desire and need to be in church every single time I could. I'd never gone to some of these churches before because I didn't know many people in them. But the Lord gave me the courage to go, and now the number of friends I have in the church has grown by leaps and bounds. Something that started out so scary has turned out to be so great.

Going to the far off church meetings where I don't know very many people really scares me. Last weekend really scared me. Sometimes I'll fail and end up hiding in a corner not talking to anyone... and sometimes I'll succeed and make a new friend. But the important part is that I did it. I went out on a limb and I did it!

I like my comfort zone, but it's wonderful to feel alive too.

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