Monday, June 24, 2013
I've been thinking a lot lately about my attitude. It just seems most of the time I'm very negative, and I'm not sure how to fix it. I keep telling myself if the thoughts in my head were more positive, then eventually it would spill over to my words and actions.
I just don't know how to change my thoughts.
Just when I think I'm on the right track something happens to change them back.
For example, let's say I'm driving, and I get cut off, or another driver just pulls some boneheaded stunt. I can't help but think "What an idiot." How do I stop that thought? Even if I never said it, I still thought it. How do I change my thought to something that would try to understand why they did what they did. I'm not in their car. Maybe their child just poured their drink all over their little sister. Maybe the driver is really sick. I bet 90% of the time there is a good excuse for a boneheaded stunt. I wish I could give people the benefit of the doubt and cut them some slack. Besides, I'm sure I've pulled those stunts myself a time or two.
It just seems like I'm always on the verge of irritation. At my job I answer the phone all day long. I guarantee at least half of the calls irritate me, even though they are just asking questions about our company and the services we offer. Things that are obvious to me, aren't obvious to people in different lines of work. It's my job to explain it to them happily. And I do, till I hang up the phone... that's when I let the fumes of irritations escape.
I'm supposed to be quick to listen. Slow to anger, and slow to wrath. Even though I'm not actually showing anger or wrath to them, I still have the emotions. I keep telling myself that I'm only human and everyone has these thoughts. But I'm also trying to do better and to be better. This 'self improvement' phase I'm going though has hit a road block with this one. I want nicer thoughts in my head, and if I can do that I think it will help in every aspect of my life.
I'm afraid this problem is out of my hands. It seems the more I learn about myself, the more I have to pray about.