Alone in a crowd

I take back what I said about lonely nights being the worst. Instead I think nights like tonight are.

Nights that one of the boys have an event...

Nights that their Dad comes to the event, and brings his friend...

Nights where Moms, Dads and other family members come to watch their kids...

Nights that the boys will be going home with their Dad after the event.

...and I will go home by myself.

I watch as family after family clumps together in groups to cheer on their little ones. And then there's me. I end up sitting awkwardly a few spaces down from the boys' Dad so I can see my youngest son while his big brother is out on the field. It becomes very clear to me that I don't have anyone. Not even just a significant other type person, but anyone. I don't even have any family that lives close enough to come to events like this. I'm there - alone in a crowd - clinging to my youngest son. Hundreds of people in the stands, and I've never felt more alone.

After it's over, the larger clumps of families break off into smaller clumps to get in their cars to go to home. I say goodbye to my boys, and they go with their Dad. And I walk across the lonely parking lot to my car.

Nights like tonight are tough.

Choking back the tears kind of tough.