Thursday, August 6, 2015

What I'm learning the second time around..... Putting your spouse before your children

I started this series of writings as a way of spreading some Godly advice about marriage that I somehow missed the first time around.  That being said, I don't feel these things would've changed the outcome of my first marriage.  Being in an unequally yoked marriage to an atheist will have problems beyond the little things that I'm trying to fix.  What I'm try to do is prevent the cracks from forming in strong marriages so the devil can't get in.  

Whether we like it or not, the devil is loose.  He is going to look for any way he can to come between us and our spouse, or us and our church, or even our ministers and the church, you name it.  David and I are convinced he's after minister's wives.  It happened to him, and it's happening more and more everyday.  We have to be proactive in keeping our marriages strong.  

One of the things I look back on with regret is putting my children before my marriage.  

There are boocoos of opinions and advice swarming around out there in the world.  One very popular idea is that when kids come into a marriage they should automatically become the center of your life and everything else should revolve around them.

This idea is wrong, wrong, and might I say WRONG.  

Yes, children are wonderful gifts from God, and they require an enormous amount of care and attention.  But, your spouse still needs to be your priority.  

It's hard, I know.  I've been where you all are in one way or another.  I've had babies, I've had toddlers..... and now I have kids and step kids (7 boys, to be exact), there is nothing you can tell me that I haven't already been though.  Unless it has to do with girls.... I know nothing about raising girls.

When my boys were babies and toddlers I tried to be the kind of mom you read about on the internet.  Constantly playing with them, teaching them, holding them, you name it.  They were my priority and my husband took a back seat.  I don't believe I took it to the extreme that some moms have, but I made a mistake, and I am learning now what I should've done.  

Now I have more kids in my house, and they are all equally loved and attended to.    But we are teaching them that the most important relationship in our home is the one between David and myself.  All of these boys are from broken homes.  We have to teach them that divorce is not the 'norm'. We have to teach them what to do to make their own marriages strong.  If we don't teach them, the world will.  

Not good.  

Another point to ponder is how you represent your relationship in front of your kids.  I'm not talking about affection-which I do believe kids should see- I'm talking about a united front.  One of the first things kids learn to do is play their parents against each other.  If one says no, ask the other.  Kids need to see two parent that are in the same corner, not opposing corners.  This will help the marriage relationship as well as the parent - child relationship.  You should never side with your child.  If the verdict needs overturned, leave the room till you and your spouse can return on the same page.  Kids pick up on stuff like that, and will use it to their benefit.  

When it comes down to it.  Your spouse is number one.  Numero uno.  Feed and nurture that relationship above all others...and don't forget to pray together.  I should write an entire post just on that alone.  I love all of you out there, and I would hate to see any of you go through what I did.  


No comments:

Post a Comment