Monday, July 14, 2014

It's complicated

There was no way for David and I to prepare ourselves for how complicated it would be to combine our families. We thought about my boys, we thought about his boys, and in theory we just thought we'd all live under this one roof. But there's more to it than that. There was no way to foresee how we would all mesh.

The older ones are actually taking to the little ones quite well. They each have their boy that they can relate to, and I think that's great. But I have found that there are a few cracks in my plan...

I've found that my biggest struggle is being too timid. I have a very large and unexplainable fear of making people mad. I wish I could figure out where that fear comes from. I know I had it before the divorce... I really think I had it before my first marriage. But the longer I'm around people the more comfortable I get with them. I'm hoping that happens soon. If not, I fear that I'll end up being a maid to all these boys because I can't tell them to pick up their socks.

That. Cannot. Happen.

These older boys need to be taught how to pick up after themselves. They need to learn responsibility. They need to learn that the sink is not a trash can... what's up with that anyway?

I might not be working right now, but I still have a very important job. I'm a mother, a step-mother, a wife - a minister's wife at that, I'm a nurturer, and I'm a roll-model. I have all these guys looking to me for guidance and answers, so I have to step it up. Big time.

The long wait David and I had till we could get married was tough... I almost viewed the wedding as an end. And end to loneliness, an end to my life in Arkansas, and end to being a single parent, and and end to life as I knew it. But really it was just a beginning. A beginning that was hard to see. It's always great to think about 'happily ever after', but it's so hard to see all the work that goes into that fairytale... It's hard to see what your daily life is going to be like. And no matter what, it's never like you imagine it will be.

I imagined my life with the older boys mixing with my younger boys. I could see us all in the house together. But I couldn't see all the details. I couldn't see how the older boys would help me get supper ready, and all the crazy concoctions they'd come up with. I couldn't see the basketball games in the backyard with all the boys playing against each other, and the older boys being illegal screnes so their little teammate could make the shot. I couldn't see the grocery shopping trips where I'm being educated on what all they usually eat, and trying to mix those things with our 'usuals'. I couldn't see the endless supply of gas and burps.... yes, I'm the only female in a house full of males, they got comfortable with me real quick. And I couldn't see how much my boys would look up to the older boys. That makes me happy... even if it is them trying to burp the ABC's like the older guys do.(yay.)

No, not everything is perfect. We have our good days, and we have our bad days. But every night David and I pray together. We pray to thank God for our wonderful little family, and for guidance for each of us. That is our glue. We are a three fold cord, and it doesn't matter how tough things get, he and I will always have the Lord. And that will make everything better. What a wonderful little marriage this is turning out to be.

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