Trust

This is a very sensitive subject for me. I'm almost afraid of it. I try to avoid the subject if at all possible because it bothers me so much.

In my marriage a trust was broken. Our marriage was never the same after that. Every time I felt suspicious about something I would be flooded with the heat of blood rushing all through my body. My ears and face would feel as hot as fire. My stomach would tie itself into knots and I would feel the need to throw up. It's a feeling I had too many times to count during the last two years of my marriage. It's a feeling I never want to have ever again.

So how do I trust again? My trust was only broken with that one person. How do I leave my trust issues with him and not take them into my next relationship or marriage? My next husband will have done nothing to break a trust with me, so why should I be paranoid if he is late getting home, or if he forgets to call?

What if I let these fears ruin my future?

You see why this subject scares me.

I've been ignoring these feelings for a long time hoping they would fade with the anger and pain, but what if they haven't?


Sometimes I don't even realize what I need to pray for until I write about what I'm afraid of.

Looks like I've got some praying to do.