I don't have all the answers

Where has faith in the Lord gone??

As we approach crunch-time for the wedding, I'm being approached with many questions. Questions about life in Texas, visits to the boys' dad, visits to our parents' houses, traveling to meetings across the country, and many other things.

I've heard them all. And the truth is, we have thought about these questions. But we also know the Lord will provide the answers in time. We don't have to have all the answers right now. I don't have all the answers. But that's okay. We're not supposed to.

I've heard David preach about what we need right now. 'Give us this day our DAILY bread'. All we need is enough for today. The Lord will provide for us one day at a time. Pray about the future, but don't worry abut it. Those answers will come when we need them.

Sometimes I think my loved ones won't pray for what they are worried about, because then they won't be able to worry about it anymore. Sounds silly, right? But I think it's true. If they would just pray about all these questions they have, the Lord would provide them with the peace that David and I have.

If you are questioning things, you need more faith.

If you need faith, you need to pray for it.

Sometimes I wonder why this concept is so hard to grasp......



I guess that means I should be praying for them.


.............................. wow.


I think that just answered my question.

Why is it that the Lord answers me when I write? By the time I get to the end of my thoughts, the Lord has helped me figure out the solution.

There ya go. I just need to pray for my loved ones to have faith. I've been stewing for days and have YET to come up with that answer. (I'm not very bright sometimes, especially when I'm stewing).

The answer is crystal clear.

Now if y'all will excuse me, I have some praying to do. Good day.

The ugly truth

I'm very thankful that the Lord protects us. Sometimes I wonder if He protects us from reality. I think maybe the Lord has kept me from realizing something till I was strong enough to handle it.

This week the truth has hit me.

The ugly truth.

I've realized that there are a lot of people out in the world that don't like me. There are people that think I'm a horrible person for taking my boys away from their dad. I have to see my ex-husband's family, or I run into former friends and acquaintances that I had in my previous life. I can see their smiles, and hear their 'Congratulations', but I know what they are thinking on the inside. I can see it in their faces. I'd be thinking it too if I were them. They think I'm a terrible, awful person for doing this.

It's somewhat disturbing for me to realize this, but I'm also strong enough - or secure enough - in what the Lord has planned for me that these thoughts don't bother me like they could.

Three or four months ago when I first got engaged I might have been disturbed to the point of wanting to call it all off, had I realized the backlash. But really I know there is no way that would ever happen. The Lord shows me everyday how right this is. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Every obstacle that was in front of us has vanished with little effort. The Lord has guided us, protected us, and provided for us. This is right.

There was no need to go to court.

There were mutual agreements made between their dad and myself.

The boys are not only okay about moving - they are ready to get down there as much as I am.

We are excited to start our new life, and it's truly amazing.

So, I get it. I'm not liked. That's okay, I'm not on this planet to make people happy, or to please the people of the world. I'm here to serve God. God sends you where you are needed. I'm needed in Texas, and everything I need is in Texas.

Winston Churchill said: "You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something in your life."

That's what I'm doing. I'm standing up for the Lord. I'm standing up for my boys. And I'm standing up for myself and the love of my life. There are no worries. The ugly truth can't get to me. The opinions of those people don't mean anything to me anymore. I will continue to walk with my head held high.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me the strength and courage to walk my day-to-day life knowing that what I'm doing is right.

That has been my prayer from day one: THY will be done.

This is God's will.

And my confidence in that cannot be shaken.

Life after....

Life after my two week's notice...

It's glorious! I love it! It's all about letting go of the reigns so others can step up to the plate to take over my duties. My job right now is to finish any orders and projects I have going on, and to not take on any new ones. I have to teach as many details as I can to the next person, and then wind 'em up and let 'em go. It's. Awesome.

Life after getting married...

I know the act of combining our families is going to be harry at times, but when I think about each individual personality I can almost see how we are going to mesh. My younger boys are going to adore David's older boys. And I hope the older ones are accepting of little ones running around wreaking havoc. I look forward to the dynamic that we'll have. We are all so laid back, I think it will be great. Me and my guys. I love it.

Life after moving to Texas...

I love Texas. I'm very happy to become a Texan. My love and my life are in Texas, therefore my heart is in Texas. My only worry is the boys' dad. Not that he's causing problems, in fact it is quite the contrary. Everything is going very well. I just know I'm going to have weeks where I won't be able to see my boys. A year ago I was worried about not seeing them for three day, and now I could go two or three weeks without seeing them. That scares me. I worry about the boys being exposed to their dad for long periods of time. I worry about me not having my right and left hand guys with me at all times, and I worry about David who will have to talk me down from all my anxiety attacks. I pray the Lord comforts us during those times.

Life after becoming a minister's wife...

I've grown up around ministers. They are not foreign creatures to me. My dad, grandfather, and two uncles are all ministers. I've watched my mother, grandmother and aunts my entire life. I know the basics. I just hope and pray I can fulfill the role of a minister's wife the way I need to. I pray I always conduct myself the way I should. I'm already starting to feel lots of eyes watching me, but I know that's going to increase. I pray I always know how to be there for my husband in what ever way he needs.... and I pray I keep my nose out of any business I don't need to be in. It's going to be a learning process. I wasn't there when he was ordained. I'm the newby in all this. I pray I do okay.

When I started the whole process of getting a divorce, I couldn't really see the 'life after' part. I was so clouded by all the stuff going on around me that I couldn't see past the end of my nose. Now the smoke has cleared. My future is looking bright, and I can see the life after.

I'm so ready for it.

It's hit me...

Yes folks, it's true. It's finally hitting me. The waiting period is over, the changes are starting, and I'm becoming the emotional wreck I knew I would be.

Reality set in this past weekend, and I know it's going to be hard from here on out.

Especially the goodbyes. They are getting a lot harder. Every time I see David I don't want it to end. I had to tell him goodbye at church Sunday so that he could get on the road. He had a long drive ahead of him. Part of me got a little embarrassed for crying as much as I did, but in the end I was thankful to be with my church family who can make it all better.

I'm ready for a time when I don't have to tell him goodbye. But I also know that when that time comes, I'll have to tell a whole lot of other people goodbye.

I'm putting in my two weeks notice at work today. I'm nervous. Please say a prayer for me if you can.

They know I'm leaving, but I'm moving up my quit date. I need to have more time off before the wedding in order to get everything ready for the big move. There's so much that needs done, and I just don't have the time to do it. So after a lot of praying and talking to David, we decided this is what is best.

The changes are coming fast, and I pray the Lord will continue to help me (and the boys) adjust to them.

Think on this...

I'm not sure where I'm going with this post, but I have some thoughts swimming around in my head that I want to get out.

I know you all know this already, but I'm in love.

I mean, really in love!

I didn't know love like this even existed! And the best part is, I'm loved back. Equally. A month or so ago, I would look at happily married couples and think "Wow, now I know how they feel!" But now when I look at them I think "There's no way they can be as happy as we are right now." We're so in love. We are beyond finding words to describe how how in love we are. I don't even think happily married couples understand this level of love.

My apologies for the mushiness...

So I was talking to David about this yesterday, and he helped shed some light on my thoughts... He said the feelings we have for each other are that much stronger because we've seen the other side. We've been through hell. We've been through the fire, as some say. We were both married to spouses that didn't respect us, didn't show us any appreciation, and - in the end - didn't love us enough to stay faithful to us. We have been through the worst, and it is making us appreciate what we have with each other that much more.

The Lord saw that David and I would be a perfect fit in every way. We've been on the receiving end of harsh words, belittling, and disrespect. He also knew that we would need someone in our lives that understood that, and would treat us better. We are a perfect fit because we are kind to each other, and we respect and appreciate each other enough to always speak in a way that gets the point across without making the other feel bad in any way... not to mention all the other thousands of ways we are compatible. But the best part, for me, is knowing I don't ever have to worry about making him mad enough to yell at me. And that's a really good feeling. Other people may not understand that, but I do. And I think David does too.

Now, I promise I have a point to all this lovey-dovey stuff, so just hang with me, ok?

I have become very sensitive to the way I see husbands and wives treat each other. I am very quick to pick up on disrespect, or not being appreciative of each other, and it pains me. Seriously. I try to tell myself that these are couples have been married for years and years, and I'm just being overly sensitive to it because of my past. But in the end, they are your spouse. Your best friend. You should always love, appreciate and respect your best friend. No you're never going to agree on everything, but there is a time and place - and tone of voice - for things like that. Snapping at each other in public, or even private, just makes things worse. Not to mention the way it makes the people around you feel toward you and your spouse.

So these are my thoughts tonight. Think about the way you speak to your spouse. If you feel there is room for improvement, then work on it. Better yet, pray about the way that you should be speaking to them. Some people think that that's just the way they are, and it can't be changed. I disagree. I feel if you earnestly pray about it, the Lord will show you how you should speak to them respectfully.

Just think about it.

The mullygrubs

It seems no matter what stage or situation I'm in, I always pray for two things: strength and patience.

I had a time when I would pray for the strength to make through every hour of every day, and patience to wait for the Lord to show me the next step I need to take in my life.

These days I'm praying for the strength and patience to make it till June.

I'm missing the love of my life. I'm trying so hard to concentrate on my life here and now, but it's hard. I'm ready to be with him everyday. This waiting period.... or holding pattern.... is killing me.

I've heard somewhere before a saying that goes: The days are long, but the years are short. I agree. but in my case, the days are long, but the weeks are short.... or sometimes it feels like the days are short but the weeks are long. Oh, who am I kidding... the days and weeks are both long. I don't have the desire to do anything. I basically have 'Senioritis'... That stage you go through right before graduation where you are so ready to get out of there you slack off on everything. Yep, that's me. I'm slacking, and it's not good. I'm just biding my time till my life can start again. I don't have the desire to do my day-to-day things because I don't have him here with me. It's not a good place to be.

Don't worry, I know what I need to be doing, and there's no one in the world that can lecture me about that better than myself. I'm my worst cridict, and toughest competitor. I know exactly what I should be doing.... I'm just not doing it. Sometimes I let my chores slide so I can sit and daydream about my future. I'm like a teenager... actually I'm worse than a teenager... I'm a thirty-something working mom that can't stay focused.

*sigh*

This long distance relationship thing is very hard. It's going to be totally worth it in the end, but that doesn't make it any easier right now. I'm missing him. He's missing me. We both have the mullygrubs, and we're chomping at the bit till we can be together.

I always told myself I would never use my blog to complain. And I'm not. I'm just using it to tell you what I'm praying for tonight. I'm praying for strength and patience. I'm going to need lots of both to make it till June. I can't do it on my own. I need my Lord to help me through each and every day. And I have faith the Lord will bless me to be able to make it till then. That's the nice thing about praying... In my moments of weakness I can say a quick prayer, and instantly I have the strength to make it a little bit longer. I don't know how people survive without prayer. I really don't.

The pursuit of happiness

I think the idea of happiness confuses many people. They feel like they need a person, or things to make them happy. Or they feel like they can just choose to be happy and *poof* it will happen. Then after trying this and that, dating person after person, buying that one perfect thing they couldn't live without... they realize they are no better off than they were before, and they still aren't happy. They have a void in their life, and they don't know how to fill it.

The past two years have taught me many things, but the main thing I learned is that serving the Lord is the only thing that brings true happiness and joy. And most people don't get it... And even worse, they don't want to hear it. They want to live in their little world where the things and people are supposed to make them happy. The internet is full of sayings and lists of ways to be happy, but very rarely do they mention serving God.

I know this is the way to true happiness because I've lived it. I watched my ex-husband spiral downward. I heard for two years how unhappy he was, and he didn't know why. He had that void in his life, and he tried to fill it all the wrong ways. He bought material things thinking they would help, and eventually, he had the affair thinking it would too. He never went to church with me, but I have faith that he is a child of God. He'd shown many signs of it throughout our marriage, but he didn't want to believe there is a God, nor did he want me to bring God into our home.

I think about my life this time last year and it amazes me. The boys and I had just moved, and I was the keeper of my own home. I was finally living the way I was raised to live, teaching my children about God, and we were being blessed. The house we moved to is much older than our other house, we weren't able to afford many luxuries, and I was single as single could be. Any normal person would see this as a set back, or a path to being less happy. But I wasn't, I had my Lord. I had been attending church as much as I could, I started reading my bible and praying with my boys more, and I would spend my evenings out in my yard working with my hands and digging the dirt, growing things and building my life. It felt good, it felt productive, and it turned out to be the best year of my life...

...however if you ask me next year, I'll probably have a different opinion on that, because this year is shaping up to be even better.

but I digress.

I remember crying many times last year out of pure joy. I was happy. Seriously happy. The happiest I can ever remember being. Ever.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above. James 1:17

All good things in our lives are blessings. Blessings come from God. If you serve God and keep his commandments, you will receive blessings. That doesn't mean that we won't have problems, but when you serve the Lord, He helps smooth the problems out in a way that makes them not so bad. He gives us strength to take on the problems instead of feeling overwhelmed by them. It's really amazing.

Every time I encounter someone trying to find happiness the wrong way, I want to tell them.... In fact, I want to shout it from the rooftops! Maybe somehow I can. Maybe this is a start. If one person reads this and is blessed to see a glimpse of how happy they can be, then maybe I've taken one baby step in the right direction.