Changes

Change used to be a very hard thing for me, but that was back when everything stayed the same all the time.

These days, if my life isn't changing in one way or another I get uncomfortable. I've learned that if you are in a bad situation, you do whatever it takes to get out of it. If you're not serving the Lord the way you should, then something needs to change. What I used to think were bad changes in my life have grown to be blessings. All the negatives have turned into positives.

When things finally slowed down enough for me to catch my breath, I prayed for wonderful changes I hoped would happen in my life. That's right. I was ready for more changes. Good changes. Positive changes. I didn't want to be alone forever. So I prayed.

Now my prayers are to thank God for the wonderful changes that are happening in my life. I am also praying for wisdom and guidance during these changes. There are happy times coming, I feel like. But in order for me to get to those happy times, a lot is going to have to change first. Changes for me, and changes for my boys. I'm ready for the changes, but I don't think my boys are. So I pray more. I pray for them to adjust to the changes that are coming. I pray for the Lord to bless them with an excitement for the things to come. I pray that in time it will all be well. I know that the most important thing for them right now is time. They need lots of time to adjust.... one little baby step at a time.

Once again, I'm fighting my impatience. However, knowing that being patient is what's best for my boys will help me keep the breaks on longer. After seeing the effects of all the changes they've had to go through in the past two years, it will be easy for me to hold off on any major changes. Their little worlds were ripped apart, and uprooted so much they didn't know weather to laugh, cry or scream... and unfortunately it was usually the crying and screaming. My oldest acted out in school, and my youngest developed a separation anxiety. I believe they are both better now, at least better than last year, but I'm scared to push more changes on them so fast that it makes them revert.

The blessing of it all, is the confidence I have the changes that are coming. My normal self would worry and fret that things will fall through, but I have a peace from the Lord that all will be well. I've trusted the Lord so much, and I know he's leading me still. I have faith, and I have patience. I just need to sit back, enjoy where I am right now, look forward to my future, and pray for the changes that I feel are coming.