I'm not a bride

It's the night before my wedding, and I have so many things on my mind.

All week I've been called the bride. I don't really like that. I've already been a 'bride'. I've had the big dress, and the fancy wedding. I did all that, and it failed anyway.

I'm not a bride this time. All I'm doing tomorrow is saying 'I do' to my best friend. It's not about the wedding. It's not about what I'm wearing, or the size of the ring. It's not about the perfect song or the perfectly tiered cake. It's not about making sure your bridesmaids match your groomsmen, and it's not about unity candles or aisle runners.

It's not going to matter if I spill something on my dress. It won't matter if I wake up with a zit on my face. I can sneeze all day because of allergies (and I seriously may), but it won't matter. The boys may cut up or burp as they walk me down the aisle, and it's not going to ruin anything.

It's going to be a day just like every other day. It will begin and end the same way. There won't be any more hours added to it, nor will time stand still. It will pass just like today did.

Only after tomorrow I get to be the wife to the most amazing man I've ever known. Tomorrow is important, but the day after tomorrow is what it's all about. I'm not a bride. I'm a wife-to-be. That's it.

And it's the most wonderful feeling in the world.

Yes, I'm getting married tomorrow.

But more importantly... I'll be his wife the day after tomorrow... and all the days after that.

Till death do us part.

Thank you, Lord, for this wonderful man.

Warning: Quick to tears!!

Ok, so I'm walking through an antique store yesterday looking for mismatched cake pedestals for the wedding, and before I know it I'm crying.

Because of the antiques, you say?

Nope.

Because it dawned on me that in two weeks I'll be standing at the front of my lovely church saying 'I do' to my best friend.

Darn, there I go again...



Ok, I'm better...

I can't believe it's two weeks away. Three months ago the days and weeks were crawling, and I was miserable just waiting and waiting.... and now it's like life is on fast forward! I'm actually wanting time to slow down just a little so I can breathe and enjoy everything.

My best friend. Wow. He really is.

I find myself looking at other couples, and wondering why it is that some meet their best friend when they are very young, and some when they are not so young. Everyone's life turns out different. I may not get as many years with my best friend as some will get with theirs, but the love we will put into those years will be enough for an entire lifetime. I've already been loved more in the past six months than I have all of my other years combined.

Before this year, the term 'happy tears' was just something I'd heard of but didn't really understand. These days, I get it.

Totally....

...and they happen quite often. Just be forewarned.

Answered prayers

We are officially less than three weeks till the "Big Day", and I'm so ready! It makes me think about prayer I prayed many times a year ago. That prayer was to not be alone forever. Even though, at the time, I felt the Lord wanted me to be single for a while. I just didn't know how long that would be. I knew I didn't need to rush into anything too fast. I needed to be there for my boys, spend quality time with them, and make sure they were healing from the trauma of the divorce, and put my needs on the back burner for a while.

I'd made up my mind that I needed to forget about finding someone, and just be content with where I was in life. I was in a good place.... I was feeling incomplete.... but I was content. During the day I'd be fine. My evenings were great. I'd spend time with my boys, or get some much needed work done around the house. But then night would come. Nights were too quiet. Too lonely. So I'd pray. I didn't know who I was praying for the Lord to send me, but I would pray for someone.

I like to think about the things going on in our lives as roads. There are little roads, big roads, highways, and even little dirt roads. When all these roads lead to one thing, it's easy to see that it is the Lord guiding you. I was guided by the Lord. There was no other way for me to go, and the Lord's way is always the best way. When the Lord provides an answer to your prayer, it's obvious. The timeline for David and me was right on the mark. The Lord guided us to each other at the perfect time for each of us.

It brings tears to my eyes when I think about my life finally going the way the Lord wants it to go instead of the way I wanted it to go. I'm so thankful all my plans failed. The Lord led me to someone who understands me, and loves me without question. The Lord knows what we need more than we do. Trust the Lord, and pray for things that are in your heart. The Lord will answer the prayer with what is best for you.

The lasts

It doesn't seem possible, but the boys and I have actually gotten to the time when we're starting to have our 'lasts'.

This past weekend was our last time to go to one of the churches in this area.

Tomorrow will be my last day at work.

I was even sad to have gone to my health food store for the last time. I go every two months, so I won't be going again. The next time I buy Ezekiel bread will be in Texas. It's surreal.

Every time I have a 'last' I get closer to where I want to be.

Before I know it, we'll be walking out of this house for the last time. Even though it seems like it's taken forever to get here, it really has happened very fast. But in a good way. I wouldn't have wanted it any different. In fact, if it hadn't been for our kids we would've gotten married months ago.

But the Lord knows what is best, and His timing is always right on the mark.

Every 'last' we have is a little bit of closure for this phase of our lives.

And every 'last' we have here will be replaced by all the 'firsts' we're going to have there.

Now that's exciting.

I don't have all the answers

Where has faith in the Lord gone??

As we approach crunch-time for the wedding, I'm being approached with many questions. Questions about life in Texas, visits to the boys' dad, visits to our parents' houses, traveling to meetings across the country, and many other things.

I've heard them all. And the truth is, we have thought about these questions. But we also know the Lord will provide the answers in time. We don't have to have all the answers right now. I don't have all the answers. But that's okay. We're not supposed to.

I've heard David preach about what we need right now. 'Give us this day our DAILY bread'. All we need is enough for today. The Lord will provide for us one day at a time. Pray about the future, but don't worry abut it. Those answers will come when we need them.

Sometimes I think my loved ones won't pray for what they are worried about, because then they won't be able to worry about it anymore. Sounds silly, right? But I think it's true. If they would just pray about all these questions they have, the Lord would provide them with the peace that David and I have.

If you are questioning things, you need more faith.

If you need faith, you need to pray for it.

Sometimes I wonder why this concept is so hard to grasp......



I guess that means I should be praying for them.


.............................. wow.


I think that just answered my question.

Why is it that the Lord answers me when I write? By the time I get to the end of my thoughts, the Lord has helped me figure out the solution.

There ya go. I just need to pray for my loved ones to have faith. I've been stewing for days and have YET to come up with that answer. (I'm not very bright sometimes, especially when I'm stewing).

The answer is crystal clear.

Now if y'all will excuse me, I have some praying to do. Good day.

The ugly truth

I'm very thankful that the Lord protects us. Sometimes I wonder if He protects us from reality. I think maybe the Lord has kept me from realizing something till I was strong enough to handle it.

This week the truth has hit me.

The ugly truth.

I've realized that there are a lot of people out in the world that don't like me. There are people that think I'm a horrible person for taking my boys away from their dad. I have to see my ex-husband's family, or I run into former friends and acquaintances that I had in my previous life. I can see their smiles, and hear their 'Congratulations', but I know what they are thinking on the inside. I can see it in their faces. I'd be thinking it too if I were them. They think I'm a terrible, awful person for doing this.

It's somewhat disturbing for me to realize this, but I'm also strong enough - or secure enough - in what the Lord has planned for me that these thoughts don't bother me like they could.

Three or four months ago when I first got engaged I might have been disturbed to the point of wanting to call it all off, had I realized the backlash. But really I know there is no way that would ever happen. The Lord shows me everyday how right this is. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Every obstacle that was in front of us has vanished with little effort. The Lord has guided us, protected us, and provided for us. This is right.

There was no need to go to court.

There were mutual agreements made between their dad and myself.

The boys are not only okay about moving - they are ready to get down there as much as I am.

We are excited to start our new life, and it's truly amazing.

So, I get it. I'm not liked. That's okay, I'm not on this planet to make people happy, or to please the people of the world. I'm here to serve God. God sends you where you are needed. I'm needed in Texas, and everything I need is in Texas.

Winston Churchill said: "You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something in your life."

That's what I'm doing. I'm standing up for the Lord. I'm standing up for my boys. And I'm standing up for myself and the love of my life. There are no worries. The ugly truth can't get to me. The opinions of those people don't mean anything to me anymore. I will continue to walk with my head held high.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me the strength and courage to walk my day-to-day life knowing that what I'm doing is right.

That has been my prayer from day one: THY will be done.

This is God's will.

And my confidence in that cannot be shaken.

Life after....

Life after my two week's notice...

It's glorious! I love it! It's all about letting go of the reigns so others can step up to the plate to take over my duties. My job right now is to finish any orders and projects I have going on, and to not take on any new ones. I have to teach as many details as I can to the next person, and then wind 'em up and let 'em go. It's. Awesome.

Life after getting married...

I know the act of combining our families is going to be harry at times, but when I think about each individual personality I can almost see how we are going to mesh. My younger boys are going to adore David's older boys. And I hope the older ones are accepting of little ones running around wreaking havoc. I look forward to the dynamic that we'll have. We are all so laid back, I think it will be great. Me and my guys. I love it.

Life after moving to Texas...

I love Texas. I'm very happy to become a Texan. My love and my life are in Texas, therefore my heart is in Texas. My only worry is the boys' dad. Not that he's causing problems, in fact it is quite the contrary. Everything is going very well. I just know I'm going to have weeks where I won't be able to see my boys. A year ago I was worried about not seeing them for three day, and now I could go two or three weeks without seeing them. That scares me. I worry about the boys being exposed to their dad for long periods of time. I worry about me not having my right and left hand guys with me at all times, and I worry about David who will have to talk me down from all my anxiety attacks. I pray the Lord comforts us during those times.

Life after becoming a minister's wife...

I've grown up around ministers. They are not foreign creatures to me. My dad, grandfather, and two uncles are all ministers. I've watched my mother, grandmother and aunts my entire life. I know the basics. I just hope and pray I can fulfill the role of a minister's wife the way I need to. I pray I always conduct myself the way I should. I'm already starting to feel lots of eyes watching me, but I know that's going to increase. I pray I always know how to be there for my husband in what ever way he needs.... and I pray I keep my nose out of any business I don't need to be in. It's going to be a learning process. I wasn't there when he was ordained. I'm the newby in all this. I pray I do okay.

When I started the whole process of getting a divorce, I couldn't really see the 'life after' part. I was so clouded by all the stuff going on around me that I couldn't see past the end of my nose. Now the smoke has cleared. My future is looking bright, and I can see the life after.

I'm so ready for it.